Emotional Intelligence

“Emotional Intelligence grows through perception. Look around at your present situation and observe it through the level of feeling.” – Deepak Chopra

I recently sat down with a really good friend and we were talking about relationships. As we talked the subject of feelings came up. If you are like most people, the subject of feelings tends to take a back burner to opinions, politics, and the weather. Yes indeed, I would venture that most people enjoy talking more about politics than feelings and emotions (though politics can bring to surface all kinds of emotions). This occurs mostly because feelings and emotions are extremely difficult to identify and a good portion of our culture have taught us how to dismisses, and devalues emotion. While another part of our culture teaches us to use emotions to control those around us.

Dr. Dan Goleman is like the father of Emotional Intelligence. He's the guy who created the phrase that many of use every day. Goleman says that Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage feelings and to express them appropriately. Other's have used his work to help in all kinds of environments. The one thing that these different environments have in common is that they are all about relationships.

Managing relationships is not easy, especially when emotions are involved (oh... they're always involved). Here is the thing to remember: Emotions are not bad, our response to those feelings and emotions can be unhealthy though. It's not a bad thing to feel disrespected by your partner, it is however unhealthy to stone-wall and ignore your partner because of this emotion.

We've been talking a lot about others but the truth is, growing Emotional Intelligence doesn't start in relationships, it's starts with the individual. Just like the phrase goes from your fight attendant on the plane, you have to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. You have to learn and grow in Emotional Intelligence in order to help and support those around you.

It starts with self-awareness. Yup, it starts with me becoming aware of my emotions, how I react in terms of my emotions, and what triggers my emotions both big and small. Self-awareness is the foundational layer of my Emotional Intelligence. If I don't have a strong self-awareness, I can only grow so far in the process.

Most of the tools we will be discussing on this blog and throughout this website, are tools to grow self-awareness and how to manage those reactions, which we call resiliency. Self-awareness leads to resiliency and will put you on the road to a much stronger Emotional Intelligence.

Don't hesitate to contact us here at Shift Relationships if you have any questions or need some support!